He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
