Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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