Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
