On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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