I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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