It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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