Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
