Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
