Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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