Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
