atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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