He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
