my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
