My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
