I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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