Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
