I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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