I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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