my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
