After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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