I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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