All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I look better un-naked...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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