I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
