this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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