So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
