Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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