my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
