In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
