wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
