My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
