Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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