Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
