Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
