why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
