3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
