I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
