Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
