And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
