$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
