Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dick very happy bro
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
