Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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