I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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