Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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