bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
