i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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