someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
