Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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