there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
