Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
