can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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