she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
