Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize