you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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