please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
