Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
