Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
