your parents love me but you hate me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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