some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
