Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
