Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
