chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
