So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
