whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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