Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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