420 ftw
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize