I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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