the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
