I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hippo gnu deer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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