i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
only you would photoshop your dick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize